The last few years of my life have been incredible, in both its ups and its downs, and I have begun to come out on the other side of some deeply traumatic shit with a sense of survival that I want to share with others.
The intent of this blog, and I mean this quite sincerely, is for it to be in service to others. I won’t write about my traumas looking for sympathy or for validation. I’ll write instead with the hope you’ll read it and think, “If he can make it, so can I”, because really, that’s what I want this to be for both of us. A little catharsis for me, a little comfort for you.
I’m mainly going to blog about games and fun shit that I enjoy, but I will also take time to blog about my other career as a stay-at-home dad. It’s been life-changing in all the best possible ways, and I am quite certain if more men did it, society would be real fuckin’ different. Humbling, difficult, exhausting, challenging, fulfilling, defining. Without question the best, most rewarding job I will ever, ever do.
You see, I don’t see the world the way a lot of other people do. I suspect I never have. My field of vision narrowed when I was very young into a nearly singular point. And for fuck’s sake that’s a metaphor for those of you concerned about my eye-sight. Just calm down. I’ll make one of my early blog posts about people who are so literal they exhaust me.
Anyway, I went to a therapist one Saturday afternoon because I could tell the things I went through as a kid were starting to haunt me and she opined, “Yes [that moment] is what we call big-T trauma, and [all of the other things you mentioned] are little-t traumas but boy those add up.” The big-T trauma is my singular point. (Seriously calm down.)
I want at least this much known: I’m just some dude who wants to be the best husband and father he can possibly be. I’m a fuck-up like everyone else and I get it wrong plenty but all I want most of all is to know I tried my best.
Some ground rules before we really dive in:
- I’m going to tell you I love you a lot. “Why?” you ask. “That’s weird.” Well because I know for a fact there’s people out there right now who don’t have someone telling them that on a regular basis and I want them to know that even a stranger loves them. “Why?” you ask. “That’s weird.” Well, because I suspect for most of us love is all we truly want or need. I’ve got a lot of love to share so you’re welcome to as much as you need.
- Don’t fuckin’ judge me or anyone else who may chime in. We all deal with enough of that shit in our daily lives, and I for sure don’t need to hear what you think of me on my own blog. I’m also sure someone’s already told me what you think or some derivation thereof, so assume I know already. Also, seriously just don’t be that kind of person in general is what I’m thinking. It’s shitty. Are you a shitty person? I suspect you aren’t shitty but instead are being shitty because you’re hurting inside and feel alone. But you aren’t alone. But you are being shitty, so stop.
- Piggybacking off Rule 2: since this is intended to be my/our drama free spot on the internet, I’m just not going to entertain any. If you don’t have something nice to say or something valuable to add to the conversation, then please know now, with exacting certainty, that I’ll delete your responses and ban you from further discussion. Ba-na-na-la-ma-ding-dong. I’m way too busy sun-up to sun-down, and my time is at a premium. That’s just how it’s going to be, so Would You Kindly fuck off ahead of time.
- I swear a lot and I’m not going to change that in my writing. If an F-bomb belongs, then belong it shall. If colorful language offends you, know I truly feel sorry for you and I’m afraid I really must insist you get help. A healthy slice of the pie chart of life is peppering people with F-bombs. Disagree? Well this certainly isn’t the first time you’ve been wrong, so fuck you.
- I’m not going to explain my sense of humor. You’re going to have to figure it out for yourselves.
- I love you all. Even you shits that I ban.
So yeah, okay, that’s a heavier blog opener than I intended originally, but I promise the laughs and smiles will come later.
I get it. I’m not curing diseases here, but in the words of the late Benjen Stark, “I’ll do what I can for as long as I can.”
I love you, whoever you are.
Lower your shoulder and wade in.