The Nervous Laughter of Revelation: Crude Matter

For a long time I wanted a BMW because I liked how they drive. One of my first jobs in LA was gassing up cars for agents at one of the Big Ones.

Aston Martin’s draw the most stares, that shit-lookin’ Lexus convertible coupe thingy got nary a glance. I liked to look around and see who’d look at me, the car, then me. People made assumptions about me by the car I was driving, despite my obvious lack of fashion sense. Maybe because of it? I don’t know. I wore what I could afford. But the car was what mattered to people. I’d drive them to dealerships. I’d drive them to pick up clients. I’d drive them to agents’ homes (my favorite lived out past the San Fernando Valley and theirs was the BMW that gripped the road like whatever animal fits the metaphor). One older dude in Music smoked cigars in his car and I hated the smell so much. I heard he was a nice guy but I was never really in his presence enough to judge one way or the other.

All the Jaguars were garbage, the Mercedes smelled the nicest but drove like hovercraft, there was one Saab (meh), and a smattering of Range Rovers (boo). Also that was around the time Mercedes released their SUV that took its design aesthetic from the Wehrmacht/SS command car. It was bumpy and ugly, and its design aesthetic was very Wehrmacht/SS command car.

I got paid shit and the hours were awful but I was sure it would help me get my foot in the door. I was wrong, but at least Christmas was envelopes full of cash. That helped cover bills.

My current ride is a mini-van and IDGAF what you think of me for loving it more than the BMWs and the Astons.

The moral of the story: talk to the assistant driving the car that still has the original out-of-state plates on.

Until next time.

Wade in.

Side note and I’ll come back to this as we progress deeper into the future, but I’d like to plant a seed in your head. Money only has value because we all agree that it does. Broad and arguable I know. So let’s argue about it someday soon yeah?! *high five*